I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize