I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
