K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize