perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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