alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
