ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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