I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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