WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He has the fingertips of a God
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