Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
