Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
