Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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