I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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