Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
