You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
