never play flip cup with pint glasses
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
