I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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