my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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