I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
