what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
