If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize