Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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