you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
