I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
