dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
