so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
try to milk me bitch
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
