I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
North Korea, Best Korea!
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Randomize
