First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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