I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize