I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
