So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
