apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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