Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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