You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Randomize
