my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
