Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
