What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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