We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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