yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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