he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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