I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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