I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
