I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
