Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
