oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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