So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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