i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
