shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
