He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
