The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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