okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
