She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
