I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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