You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
why do cheetos always look like penises
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
