when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
