tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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