I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
