I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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