I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
