I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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