TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
