I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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