bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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