Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
We left an ass print on the piano.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
