As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
