It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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