She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
