Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
