i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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