i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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