i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
